Physicist have an interesting hobby - once in 50 billion years they make a hadron collider

Hadron Collider - the LAST achievement of science

A country guy goes to New York. Before the trip, his friends warn him that cab drivers will try to scam him. So, on his first short cab ride, the cabbie tells him:
- The fare is 3.20

So the guy goes:

- i've been warned you'd try to scam me but thats just not happening..

then takes out $20 bills and goes "here's one twenty, here's two twenty, here's three twenty"...

Before surgery, I was filling out the questionnaire and I got to the question: who should we call in case of emergency? I put: a more qualified surgeon.

REAL STANFORD UNIVERSITY POLICE BLOTTER JULY 31 2008

Between 4:30 p.m. on July 30 and 9 a.m. on July 31, an unknown suspect broke into the golf cart garage at the Student Services Building. No items were reported missing, possibly because all the golf carts had already been stolen earlier in the summer.

- Daddy, will the gorilla jump out of a cage?
- Let's go kiddo, it's only the ticket booth.

A long time ago, there was a very stupid monkey that couldn't even learn to climb trees, and thats how humankind started.

Phone conversation between Bush and Saakashvili:
George bush, furious:
- I was told that there is no oil in South Ossetia!
Saakashvili, voice shaking:
- I swear on my mother, it was there...

Three guys were trying to sneak into the Olympic Village to scoop souvenirs and autographs. The first says, "Let's watch the registration table to see if there's a crack in the security system that we can utilize to scam our way in."

Immediately, a burly athlete walks up to the table and states, "Angus MacPherson. Scotland. Shotput." He opens his gym bag to display a shotput to the registration attendant.

The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. MacPherson. Here is your packet of registration materials, complete with hotel keys, passes to all Olympic events, meal tickets, and other information."

The first guy gets inspired and grabs a small tree sapling, strips off the limbs and roots, walks up the registration table and states: "Chuck Wagon. Canada. Javelin."

The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. Wagon. Here is your packet of registration materials, hotel keys, passes, meal tickets, and so forth. Good luck!"

The second guy grabs a street utility manhole cover, walks up to the registration table and states: "Dusty Rhodes. Australia. Discus."

The attendant says, "Terrific, Mr. Rhodes. Here is your packet of registration materials, hotel keys, a full set of passes, and meal tickets. Enjoy yourself."

They scamper in, but suddenly realize the third guy is missing. They groan, because he's a simpleton from the hills of Vermont. They forgot to make sure he doesn't do something stupid and blow their cover stories.

Just then he walks proudly up to the table with a roll of barbed wire under his arm and states: "Foster Bean. Hardwick, Vermont. Fencing."

- What has four legs and is a man's best friend?
- The couch.