After guests leave, husband says to wife:
- I think the guests stole our dinner plates...
- Which dinner plates?
- Oh the ones that say "Cornerstone Cafe" on them...

- What's the most independent country in the world?
- Mongolia. Because nobody really depends on it for anything.

- What is common about Winnie the Pooh and an honest lawyer?
- They are both fictional characters.

A train depot is looking for a train conductor. Must have own train.

A guy is with a girl after a night of partying:
- Mary, I want to marry you.
- Oh come on, you don't really. Tomorrow, you'll be sober and you'll change your mind.
- No, Mary
- You won't change your mind?
- No, I won't be sober.

A doctor strike in Ukraine is still going on and we already have our first results: mortality has lowered by 20%

In Soviet Russia, you don't look for party, the party finds you!

Announcement: New Ferrari dealership opening in Los Angeles. Discounts for seniors and students!

Unemployment once again grew in America - says our former correspondent from New York

Don't touch bare electrical wires with your wet hands, they get rusty from that